Rocking Chair Regrets
Last month, I watched the Mythical Kitchen episode of Last Meals with Jennette McCurdy. I don't watch this series particularly often even though I feel they have a lot of celebrities I like. I'm really hit or miss on YouTube content, especially long-form videos, which is a fun and funny thing to think about when I used to make some longer content as well.
I'm glad I made the time for this one, though. Of the many topics they discussed, one of the things she touched on was rocking chair regrets. I'd never heard of the concept before, but it's totally uprooted how I think about my time. I already have a bucket list, so it's not like mortality is a subject I tend to avoid thinking about or anything. Sure, it only has a handful of items on it, and most of those were added while writing this post. This post isn't about why me, a full-ass adult, knows very little about herself at this stage in life. That's a topic for another day.
For those like me who hadn't heard of this concept, rocking chair regrets are a tool used for self-reflection. Imagine: it's the distant future (the year 2000). You've lived a full life. As you're sitting on the porch with sweet tea in hand, you think back on your life and the decisions you made. The regrets you think up on that rocking chair are the things you wish you'd made time for while you were younger. Back when you had the time and energy to pursue your goals and make big swings.
During the meal, she talked about how she starts off each year thinking about any rocking chair regrets. She evaluates if she'd run into any regrets continuing down the path she followed the previous year. She does this reflection to see what she should change about her life, if anything. By doing this regularly, she's able to keep her goals and values in mind better over time. She makes it a point to live a life she's proud of, not one she'll regret someday.
I certainly didn't start off this past year in the same way, but I'm a firm believer that it's never too late to do a little introspection. It's important to take time to think about the trajectory of our lives and evaluate whether or not it's the path we actually want to be on. Well, within the confines of a feasible reality. Like, I don't have the luxury to just focus on my passions. I have to work to pay rent and feed my cats and other equally necessary expenses, so I have to factor in the time and energy necessary to keep a job that makes enough money for those things.
Unless someone out there wants to become my eccentric patron? My anonymous benefactor that pays for my necessities and lifestyle so I can simply write my book and make my games and live my life? Please?
Until that day, I figure I'll do what I can to keep myself on the path that gets me closer to my goals. The one where I spend as much of my time as possible doing the things I enjoy. So that when I start thinking about my rocking chair regrets, they can all be inconsequential, should I have any at all.
The hardest part is to stop myself from choosing things that are somewhat within my control but also not really. I can't give myself a raise so I can afford to join a sports club. I don't have the space in the apartment to get into a new hobby that doesn't require very little in the way of materials and tools. I don't have an outdoor area that can support more than two chairs and a little table, even then, I can barely even use the balcony to work or relax due to the tree that spawns every bug and stinging thing imaginable.
So what options does that really leave me with? Because it doesn't feel good to just complain about things I want to change, even if they're out of my hands or if they'd be really hard to fix.
I could go hunt for another job that pays better, but with the way the job market is right now, that feels like a waste of time and effort. Especially in my field.
I could get a second job to have a little more spending money, sure, but that eliminates what little time I have to be working on my projects.
I could turn a hobby into a side hustle, but the "grindset mindset" is a fucking plague bred by capitalism that needs to be snuffed out. I should be able to have a thing I enjoy and have the freedom to do it without having to monetize the action so I can afford to exist.
But if I think about it on a granular level, and focus on only things that are within my power to augment, I think it's easier to come up with some actionable changes that will improve my quality of life. So if I think about last year, flare up aside, I do see a couple things I'd love to make some headway on going forward:
- Relegating smoking to predominantly Fridays and Saturdays (schedule depending)
- Building savings a bit more instead of buying dumb bullshit I don't actually need
- Making more consistent progress on the book and video games in development
- Finding a way to balance current long-term projects with some new/old hobbies
- Getting clothes that actually fit instead of only wearing things because I have them
- Choosing clothes based on what I like, not just because they're "slimming"
- Continuing to get to know myself better, both likes and dislikes
- Cooking more & choosing things I want to eat, not just things that will be "easy"
- Furthering my understanding and skill in creative hobbies like art
- Taking my health seriously: physically, mentally, and emotionally (as well as Austin's)
- Prioritizing my own time and peace of mind by mitigating unnecessary stress
- Going outside more; I love being on the water, and it feels good to be active
I made a lot of good progress last year for how terrible of a hand I was dealt. I talk about that a lot in my 2025 review. To be honest, I still think about the impact last year had on me every. single. day. And while I really don't regret anything as I know I did the best I could in that situation, there are of course some things I wish could have made time for during it all.
I think to a certain degree, regrets are inevitable. Even people like me who think about who they've become and where they've gotten because of their bad experiences often have a thing or two they'd have done differently if they had the chance again. While I don't really qualify a lot of things I'd do differently as regrets, I definitely see the merit in this type of reflection.
At the end of the day, I view the world through the lens of there's always room for improvement. But that doesn't mean I can't live a 5-star life while aiming for something even better.
And how do I get there? No more doubt. No more self-deprecation. No more setting myself up for failure or breaking when I shouldn't even have to bend. No more negative self-talk.
After all, I deserve to be treated well. I deserve to be happy. I am worth the effort.