How Having Crohn's Has Affected My Relationship With Food
There are two things about me that people learn pretty quickly upon meeting me: one is that I have Crohn's, and the other is that I love food.
My whole life, I've cared a lot about how the food I'm eating tastes. I can't struggle through things that I don't like, regardless if the problem is from flavor or texture. I've always thought that experience was something that I deserved to enjoy, that food was more than a substance to keep our body moving forward day after day. Even if I've only recently started my cooking journey, my hunt for good flavor has never faltered.
I always wanted to be someone that could eat whatever they wanted and offset a poor diet or bad meal with exercise (even if that never came to fruition). I told myself I'd rather be fat and happy than in shape and eating salads for 99% of my meals. Which is funny, because I actually really like a lot of salads. But there I stood, denouncing a healthy option as if it was inherently bad because it wasn't bad for me. Young me had some interesting opinions, that's for sure.
But then came 2020 (bad for a range of reasons, but this particular moment is likely much less common). In a single moment on a Tuesday morning, still very groggy from the anesthesia that was just now leaving my system after having knocked me out for my first colonoscopy at the age of 28, the doctor told me the news: I had Crohn's. And there, in front of my then-partner and now spouse, he showed us both pictures from the inside of my VERY enflamed colon.
Other than two prescription, one for flare ups and another for maintenance, and a packet on the basics of having Crohn's, I was more or less left to my own devices moving forward. Don't get me wrong, I love my doctor. He's a very sweet man who is very supportive and attentive.
But I also know for a fact (because a nurse let it slip) that I was the only person he performed the procedure on that day that didn't get a diagnosis much more immediately life-threatening. He only had a few minutes with me before he had to leave to perform another as well, setting a follow up appointment with me to go over how the medication is working and so he could answer any questions I may develop between now and then.
For those that don't know, I won't explain out Crohn's disease because just having it doesn't make me a medical professional, but feel free to learn the ins and outs from the Crohn's and Colitis Foundation. Long and short, is it's a specific type of I(nflammatory) B(owel) D(isease) that has periods of "flare up" and periods of "remission."
And you know what tends to cause these flare ups? The thing that people with Crohn's are supposed to avoid to stay away from living on the toilet for upwards of 10 horrendously liquid, gut wrenching shits a day?
Stress.
So, since that's literally impossible with the world as it is currently, flare ups are just an inevitability. And when someone with Crohn's is in a flare up, there are a LAUNDRY list of foods that are now all but off limits to stay off that porcelain throne for hours or days at a time.
- Ibuprofen, the anti-inflammatory drug? It enflames your intestines, so none of that.
- Pineapple? Coconut? Fruit with skin like an apple? They'll be out as soon as they're in.
- Fried food? You'll see me in 2-4 business days looking like a shell of person.
- Healthy foods like whole wheat carbs? Peas? Lentils? Quinoa? All to be avoided.
- Corn? One of my favorite vegetables of all time? The biggest no-no there is.
And here's the thing, everyone's body with Crohn's has different triggers. I can try eating nuts or dried fruit in a flare up, but is it worth it to potentially learn the hard way that my body will punish me for eating a box of raisins? The answer in most cases falls in the "no" category.
That's what life did to me. It took the core of who I was, a food lover, and shat on it. And now I get to spread that shit to toilets far and wide every time I decide, "Fuck it, if I'm going to be shittin' anyway, it may as well be Wingstop." Then I get to instantly regret that decision when I have to stay up all night for my body has to vacate the fried chicken with extreme prejudice at 2 AM.
Nowadays, my relationship with food is much different. I mentioned earlier in this post that I'm trying to learn to cook, I want to be able to make myself tasty meals that won't make me feel like shit later on in the night or the next morning. I'm getting better, even if I definitely have flops more often than I'd like. But I'm not afraid of salt or seasonings, and I hope that continues to push me forward to more delicious and healthy meals.
I can't do a fun little conclusion that says "having Crohn's has improved my relationship with food" because that's a lie. I can't eat healthy, fiber heavy foods. I can't even eat some of my favorite treats like popcorn or most chips without worrying that it'll make me feel bad later. Then that worry makes me stressed. Then that stress makes me flare up. I'm a snake eating its tail knowingly and still being unable to break the cycle.
But I do eat smaller portions now, even if the motivation is to have less in my system to shit out. I do tend to choose better food more often, even if it's only to mitigate how many times I get up through the night to blast ass. And I have also tried to branch out into previously unexplored or disliked foods, hoping and praying for the replacement that makes me stop craving all the things that hurt me.
But at the end of the day, I'd keep the Crohn's if I could get rid of the lactose intolerance. And that's a fact.